Christmas One Liners

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Yule feels much better with these Christmas costumes. There is no vacation with these skilful ha-ha. Do not forget to send us milk and cookies.

That child is in the manger again playing his drum WHERE ARE THE PARENTS?

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If you’ve ever seen a butcher wrap pork chops, you’ve seen me wrap Christmas presents.

Be careful when you are 12 years old, because if you mention something you like, your aunt will give you a book about that every Christmas for life.
funny christmas

We landed a boat on a comet and the batteries do not last. Is this different from your first Christmas?

I’m releasing a Christmas song titled “All I want for Christmas is my parents’ Freaking Wifi password.”

“His heart was not the only thing that was 2 sizes too small.” -Mrs. Grinch

I sighed when I felt the hot breath on my neck and that hungry tongue licking my face.
I should never have asked for a puppy for Christmas.

If you’ve seen a Santa Claus, you’ve seen a mall.

The best gift I had was a beautiful kick from my cousin. If I had skates, it would have been perfect.

There are only a few days left to decide if you are buying an expensive gift for that special person or breaking up with them for Christmas.

One nice thing I tell my children is that if you put a fart in Santa’s lap, the law of the North Pole requires you to bring two of everything you ask for.

I lay motionless on the floor of the shed, my hands tied and my mouth covered with duct tape. I never got used to wrapping Christmas presents.

A perfectly managed and correct Christmas in every detail is a sure sign of someone who does not have enough to do.

December 25 is the National Day of Jews Go to the Movies.

As I lay under a sea of ​​writhing bodies, urgent members exploring and clutching hungry, I realized something. I hate Christmas shopping.

Are we doing “Santa Secret” this year? Because I accidentally bought some butter without salt.

My ability to turn Christmas cheer into anxiety only rivals my ability to turn anxiety into weight gain.

It’s the season to walk awkwardly for someone ringing the bell.

If at least two relatives remain imprisoned, we will not have to put the sheet on the table.

This is the most exciting time of the year when I discover what I will receive my wife for Christmas.

Is a bad holiday gift a life insurance policy? Be honest.

All I want for Christmas is for my family to stop trying to talk to me while I try to tweet.

Cash is the only gift that everyone despises and nobody rejects.

How can you not love eggnog? Basically you’re spending on ice cream.

I have good memories wrapped in the word “Christmas.” For me, it’s about the family and the memories, and the expression on the faces of the villains when I place the dogs on them.

I want to avoid the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, so this year, I’m going to be hospitalized

This Christmas, give him the gift of peace: add a little Prozac to the cookies.

What better way to celebrate a religious holiday than with a month of frenetic consumerism. Getting a lot of booty is a very spiritual experience for me.

For your information: at the end of the Twelve Day Christmas song, your home is crammed with 23 flying birds and 50 hyperactive humans.

In my experience, smart food is not appreciated at Christmas. It makes the little ones cry and the old nervous ones.

“Honey, do not try to give ice cream to the Christmas tree,” is something I literally just said.

Mom: What do you want for Christmas?
Me: to discover that I was adopted.

My 8-year-old son sent a letter to Santa regarding the gifts he wants, so now Santa is writing the details about how to empty a house.

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