Chocolate Quotes and Jokes

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A new British survey revealed that 9 out of 10 people like chocolate. The tenth lies – Robert Paul

A chocolate in the mouth is worth two on the plate.

Everything is good and useful if it is made of chocolate.

What is the meaning of life? All the evidence to date suggests that it is chocolate.

Place “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you will do one thing.

The nuts only occupy space where chocolate should be.

Mom always said that life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get. – Forrest Gump

Life is like a box of chocolates, full of nuts!

There is nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate. – Linda Grayson, The Printwick Papers
Chocolate Quotes
After a chocolate bar one can forgive anyone, even relatives.

The bank of friendship can not exist for long without deposits of chocolate.

There are only three things in life that matter: good friends, good chocolate and, dear, what was that other?

The research tells us that fourteen out of ten people like chocolate. – Sandra Boynton

Other things are just food. But chocolate is chocolate. – Patrick Skene Catling

Once you consume chocolate, chocolate will consume you.

Too much of something good is simply wonderful! – Deborah Fox-Rothschild

A little chocolate is almost right.

The three best pleasures of life are scratching, sneezing and eating chocolate.

Any sane person loves chocolate. – Bob Greene

Chocolate makes everyone smile, even bankers. – Ben Strohecker, chocolatier

Anything tastes better bathed in chocolate.

Chocolate does not make the world turn, but it sure makes the trip worthwhile!

The best things in life are chocolate.

Money talks. The chocolate sings!

Chocolate is the natural way to recover on Mondays.

Coffee allows you to get out of bed, but chocolate makes it worthwhile.

Chocolate is not a matter of life or death, it’s more important than that!

If chocolate is the answer, the question is irrelevant.

Dip in chocolate; it will be OK.

If you have melted chocolate in your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.

If you can not eat all your chocolate, it will remain in the freezer. But if you can not eat all your chocolate, what’s wrong with you?

Chocolate Quotes

Chocolate is something serious! – Counselor Deanna Troi, Start Trek: the next generation

Bumper Stickers and T-Shirts

Put the chocolate in the bag and nobody gets hurt.

EMERGENCY ALERT: If the user of this shirt is empty, listless or depressed, ADMINISTER CHOCOLATE IMMEDIATELY.

Intergalactic peace through chocolate!

I drink chocolate from strangers.

All I want is peace, love, understanding and a chocolate bar bigger than my head.

There’s a thin person inside me screaming to get out, but I’m still sedated with chocolate.

If they do not have chocolate in heaven, I will not go.

No one knows the truffles I’ve seen.

So much chocolate, so little time!

In short … everyone has a price, mine is chocolate!

Save the planet! (It is the only planet with chocolate).

It will work for chocolate

I’m going to eat anything! While it’s chocolate.

There is more to life than chocolate, but not now.

No chocolate … Nothing won

Eva left the Garden of Eden for chocolate!

I am not overweight, only enriched chocolate.

Chocolate Quotes

Do not bother! Fantasy chocolate in progress.

If it’s not chocolate, it’s not breakfast!

Chocolate – The breakfast of the champions!

Chocolate is not just for breakfast

I’m a Deserter from Chocoholics Anonymous.

The problem: how to bring 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: eat it in the parking lot.

I never found a chocolate that I did not like. – Counselor Deanna Troi, Star Trek: the next generation

Seven days without chocolate weaken it.

Chocolate: today here … it’s gone today!

Seduced by the chocolate side of the Force.

Given enough chocolate and coffee, I could rule the world.

Here, take some chocolate. I feel better now?

Just like chocolate for you, so there will be more of me than love.

Some like the heat, some like the cold; I like chocolate!

Therapy

Chocolate is cheaper than therapy and does not need an appointment.

Chocolate is not a food, it is a medicine, an antidepressant.

Chocolate causes certain endocrine glands to secrete hormones that affect their feelings and behavior by making them happy. Therefore, it counteracts depression and, in turn, reduces the stress of depression. His stress-free life helps him maintain a youthful disposition, both physically and mentally. So, eat a lot of chocolate! – Elaine Sherman, Book of Divine Indulgences

My therapist told me that the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I started. To this day, I have finished 2 bags of M & M’s and a chocolate cake. I already feel better. – Dave Barry

Eating chocolate can have a significant influence on mood, usually leading to an increase in pleasant feelings and a reduction in tension. – Peter Rogers, Ph.D., Food Research Institute

When nobody understands you, chocolate is there.

Fudge fills deep needs. – Susan Isaacs

Addiction and guilt
The 12-step program for chocolate addicts: NEVER TAKE MORE THAN 12 STEPS OF CHOCOLATE! – Terry Moore

I would leave the chocolate, but I will not get tired.

If I have chocolate, I’ll eat it. I love it I love it I love it. I like a piece every day. – Julia Louis-Dreyfus

I probably have some kind of chocolate five times a week. There is definitely a change in body chemistry. It’s my favorite feeling. I live by that. – John Travolta

Do not ruin a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty. Chocolate is not like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant. And it always feels good. – Lora Brody, Growing in the diet of chocolate

Chocolate Quotes

A true chocolate lover finds ways to accommodate his passion and make it work with his lifestyle. A key, not only to keep the weight low and remain free of guilt, but also to keep the taste buds well defined (essential for professionals who evaluate new products and judge the recipes), is to discriminate.

Religion

At first, the Lord created the chocolate, and saw that it was good. Then he separated the light from the darkness, and it was better.

Oh, divine chocolate!

They grind you on your knees,

Overcome with praying hands,

And drink with your eyes to heaven.

– Marco Antonio Orellana, 18th century

Chocolate is a divine, celestial drink, the sweat of the stars, the vital seed, the divine nectar, the drink of the gods, the panacea and universal medicine. – Gerónimo Piperni, cited by Antonio Lavedán, surgeon in the Spanish army, 1796

A confection so noble, more than nectar and ambrosia, the true food of the gods. – Dr. Bachot, 1662

The Greek term theobroma (Latin name of cacao) literally means food of the gods. Chocolate has also been called devil’s food, but the theological basis of this claim is obscure.

Look, there is no metaphysics on earth like chocolates. – Fernando Pessoa, Portuguese poet (1888-1935)

… the condemned agent of necromancers and sorcerers. It is good to abstain from chocolate to avoid the familiarity and company of a nation so suspicious of sorcery [Spain]. – French Clergyman, 1620

Just think of all the wonderful blessings you have been given. Chocolate, dark chocolate, chocolate truffles …

Force

Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your own hands, and then eat only one of the pieces. – Judith Viorst

When things get tough, hard people eat chocolate.

Stress would not be so difficult to take if it were covered in chocolate.

What good are the cartridges in battle? I always carry chocolate instead. – The Chocolate Cream Soldier, Arms and the Man

I owe it all to little chocolate donuts. – John Belushi

If some man has drunk a little too deeply from the cup of physical pleasure; If you have spent too much time on your desk you should have been asleep; if their good spirits have become temporarily dull; if you find the air too humid, the minutes too slow and the atmosphere too heavy to resist; if he is obsessed by a fixed idea that excludes him from any freedom of thought: if he is one of those poor creatures, we say, give him a good pint of chocolate with amber flavor … and wonders will be performed. – Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826)

If at first you do not succeed, take a little chocolate.

It is strengthening, repairing and able to repair broken strength and strengthen people. – Louis Lemery, 1702

Chocolate Quotes

The divine drink that builds resistance and fights fatigue. A cup of this precious drink allows a man to walk for a whole day without food. – Hernando Cortés, 1519

If you do not feel good, if you have not slept, the chocolate will revive you. But you do not have chocolate! I think about that again and again! My dear, how will you manage? – Marquesa de Sévigné



Health
Chocolate is a perfect food, as healthy as it is delicious, a beneficial restorer of exhausted power. He is the best friend of those who dedicate themselves to literary activities. – Baron Justus von Liebig (1803-1873), German chemist

The superiority of chocolate, both for health and for food, will soon give you the same preference over tea and coffee in America that you have in Spain. – Thomas Jefferson

All the evil that people have imposed on chocolate is actually more deserved by milk chocolate, which is essentially contaminated. The closer you get to a pure chocolate liqueur (the chocolate essence of roasted cocoa beans), the purer it is, the more satisfying it is, safer and healthier. – Arnold Ismach, the darkest side of chocolate

Chocolate is a vegetable: chocolate is obtained from cocoa beans. Beans = vegetables Sugar is derived from sugar cane or sugar beet. Both are plants, which places them in the category of vegetables. Therefore, chocolate is a vegetable. To go one step further, chocolate bars also contain milk, which is milky. So, candy bars are a healthy food.

I recommend a piece of good quality dark chocolate as a healthy snack. . . It is a source of polyphenols, the same type of antioxidants found in red wine, and the fat it contains is stearic acid, which does not affect cholesterol levels. The latest good news for chocolate lovers comes from a study that indicates that flavonoids in chocolate are good for your heart. These compounds reduce the adherence of platelets, cells that play an important role in the coagulation of the blood. By eating a 1.5-ounce chocolate bar with milk, you get the same amount of these protective compounds as in a 5-ounce glass of Cabernet Sauvignon. – Andrew Weil, M.D.

Nitric oxide plays such an important role in maintaining healthy blood pressure and, in turn, cardiovascular health. If our research results continue to support a link between the consumption of flavanol-rich cocoa and the synthesis of nitric oxide, there could be significant implications for public health. – Norman Hollenberg, M.D., Ph.D., Harvard Medical School

Chocolate contains large amounts of the same beneficial plant chemicals that have now burnished the reputation of tea. In fact, only an ounce of chocolate contains nearly the same amount of these plant chemicals as a cup of black tea prepared. A large ongoing study on the benefits of exercise found that men who eat chocolate in moderation live longer than those who do not eat any. – Welfare letter from the University of California-Berkeley

We already know that the increase in the consumption of fruits and vegetables results in an increase of antioxidants in our blood. We believe that chocolate consumption can have the same effect. We forget that chocolate is derived from cocoa beans, the fruit of the cacao tree, a fruit that is a rich source of these potentially beneficial substances. – Penny Kris-Etherton, Ph.D., Pennsylvania State University

Chocolate only stands out [for the antioxidant content]. It is much higher than anything else. – Joe Vinson, Ph.D., University of Scranton

Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the perfect food in the world. – Michael Levine, nutrition researcher

In 1724, Dr. Richard Brookes claimed that chocolate prolonged life and cured tinea and ulcers. He also suggested cocoa butter for the treatment of skin, piles and gout.

I do not understand why so many “so-called” chocolate lovers complain about the calories in chocolate, when all the true chocolate addicts know that it is a vegetable. It comes from the cocoa bean, the beans are vegetables, “said Nuff.

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process … It may not be true, but do I dare risk it?

What you see before you, my friend, is the result of a life of chocolate. One pound per day often. – Katharine Hepburn

Advice on diet
Never eat more chocolate than you can lift.

A balanced diet is a chocolate in each hand!

Advice on diet: eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It will take away your appetite and you will eat less.

Empty calories: a hollow chocolate bunny?

Hollow chocolate has no calories.

Exercise is a bad word … Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth with chocolate.

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Do they not counteract each other?

A nice box of chocolates can provide you with the total daily caloric intake in one place. Now, is not it so useful?

Eat a square meal a day: a box of chocolate.

There are four basic food groups: milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate and chocolate truffles.

A balanced diet consists of items from the five main food groups: dairy, grains, meats, fruits / vegetables and chocolate.

Raisins, cherries, orange slices and chocolate covered strawberries count as fruit, so eat as many as you want!

If you swallow a cup of chocolate just three hours after a copious meal, everything will be perfectly digested and there will still be room for dinner. – Anthelme Brillat-Savarin (1755-1826)

Among the mysteries of life is how a box of two pounds of chocolate can make a person gain five pounds.

Woman
After about 20 years of marriage, I am finally beginning to scratch the surface of that [what women want]. And I think the answer is somewhere between conversation and chocolate. – Mel Gibson

Chocolate is the greatest gift for women that has been created, along with Paul Newman and Gene Kelly. It is something that should be taken daily. – Sandra Bullock

Twill will make the young ladies fresh and fresh; Create new movements of the flesh. And make them want to know what, if they only know chocolate. – James Wadsworth, a story about the nature and quality of chocolate

Man can not live alone with chocolate, but women can!

Hell has no fury like a woman who has given up chocolate and chocolate.

More quotes
Let’s celebrate our agreement with the addition of chocolate to milk. – Homer Simpson

“Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm … chocolate …” – Homer Simpson

Self-discipline involves some unpleasant things for me, such as avoiding chocolate and keeping my hands out of women’s pants. – Oleg Kiselev

The candies are just a fad. Chocolate is something permanent. – Milton Hershey

It does not matter 1066 William the Conqueror, 1087 William the Second. Such things are not going to affect one’s life … but 1932 the Mars Bar and 1936 Maltesers and 1937 the Kit Kat – these dates are milestones in history and should be kept in the memory of every child in the country. – Roald Dahl

Just as the bees will huddle to protect their nest, I ‘swarmed’ to protect my nest of chocolate eggs. – Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts, Saturday Night Live

As with most good things, chocolate has its season. There is a simple memory aid that you can use to determine if it is the right time to order chocolate dishes: any month whose name contains the letter A, E or U is the right time for chocolate. – Sandra Boynton, Chocolate: The Consumer Passion

Carob is a brown powder made from the powdered fruit of a Mediterranean evergreen tree. Some consider the carob tree as an adequate substitute for chocolate because it has some similar nutrients (calcium, phosphorus) and because, when combined with vegetable fat and sugar, it can be made to approximate the color and consistency of the chocolate. Of course, the same arguments can be persuasively made in favor of dirt. – Sandra Boynton, Chocolate: The Consumer Passion

The things clear and the chocolate thick. (Ideas should be clear and thick chocolate.) – Spanish Proverb

And above all … Think of chocolate! – Betty Crocker

Jokes
Mom: Fred, yesterday there were two chocolate cakes in the pantry, and now there is only one. Why?
Fred: I do not know. It must have been so dark that I did not see the other one.

Q: Why is not there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
A: Because nobody wants to give up.

A man found a bottle on the beach. He opened it and a genius came out, who gave three wishes to the man. The man wanted a million dollars and poof! There was a million dollars. Then, he wanted a convertible and poof! There was a convertible. And then, he wished he could be irresistible to all women … Poof! He became a box of chocolates.

Q: What do cannibals eat for dessert?
A: Aunts covered in chocolate.

Plump lady to the waitress: I would like the Death of chocolate for dessert, but just enough to put me in critical condition.

Q: How do you know when a complete idiot has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M & M shells on the kitchen floor.

Q: Why do complete idiots hate M & M?
A: They are very difficult to peel.

Q: What job function does a complete idiot have in an M & M factory?
A: Correction of texts.

Q: Why did you dismiss the complete idiot from the M & M factory?
A: He threw the Ws.

Q: How can you confuse a complete idiot?
A: Ask him to alphabetize a bag of M & M.



Q: Why do not they do white M & M?
A: Because they would enslave the black M & Ms, steal all the red lands from M & M, hunt the blue M & Ms in extinction, accuse the yellow M & Ms of obstructing trade, start with the panic that the M & M small invaded the Earth and would complain about the Brown M & M were taking all their jobs.

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Imogen
Imogen, who?
Imogen’s life without chocolate!

An old man and a young man worked in an office next to each other. The young man noticed that the older man always had a jar of peanuts on his desk. The young man loved peanuts.

One day, while the older man was away from his desk, the young man could not resist and went to the old man’s bottle and ate more than half of the peanuts. When the old man returned, the young man felt guilty and confessed that he had taken the peanuts.

The old man replied, “It’s okay, since I lost my teeth, all I can do is lick the M & M’s chocolate.”

An old man lay dying in his bed.

In the throes of death, he suddenly smelled the scent of his favorite chocolate cookies floating on the stairs.

Picking up his remaining strength, he got out of bed. Slowly, he left the room and, with even greater effort, forced himself down the stairs, holding onto the railing with both hands. With difficulty breathing, she leaned against the door, looking toward the kitchen.

If it were not for the agony of death, he would have believed in heaven: there, at the kitchen table, there were hundreds of his favorite chocolate cookies.

Gathering one last effort, he threw himself towards the table. His aged, withered hand worked its way into a cookie when it was suddenly struck with a spatula.

“Stay away from them,” said his wife, “they are for the funeral.”

A girl was at the dentist for a checkup. Very carefully, the dentist examined all his teeth. Finally he announced angrily “Miss, you have been eating too many sweet things, many of your teeth need to be filled.”

“Oh, my God!” He replied happily. “Can I fill chocolate please?”

You know you’re a chocolate addict if the bartender tells you that you’ve drunk enough chocolate syrup for one night.

You know you’re a chocolate addict if, when the leaves change in the fall, you start collecting Almond Joy candy bars for next winter.

Have you heard about the romance between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.





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